Every Creative Needs Non-Creative Friends
Saying yes to laughing too loud with friends who get you (even if they don’t get your work)
When I left Instagram and TikTok, many of my creator friends fell off quickly. On some level, I knew the folks in my orbit were there for self-serving reasons, and I carried a bit of indignation for how transactional it all felt. The influencers wanted to know how I was making $500k in brand deals. The PR girls wanted me as a client. The content creators wanted someone to run ideas by and validate their feelings (without doing the same in return).
And honestly, I didn’t mind. Because in my own way, I wanted those things too. I wanted access. Maybe, I even wanted the illusion of a tight-knit community. But more than anything, as pathetic as it may sound, I just wanted friends. I desired friendships with writers who could talk about craft, and filmmakers who also dreamed of seeing their work on the big screen, too. I wanted girlfriends I could cowork with well past bedtime, celebrate tiny wins with, and feel seen by.
One of my mentors once told me that I was too sensitive in this way. She said I should start compartmentalizing people: some friends in my life should be nothing but vehicles to get where I needed to go. But, I couldn’t get down with that. I know “success” often depends on who you know, but I also know that I don’t need to (mis)use people, because God will open the right doors for me. I stayed true to this belief, and the right friends showed up at exactly the right time.
That season of friend-hurt and heartbreak made me think of the TV show Girlfriends, how different yet connected each of them were. Toni, bold and ambitious; Maya, fun and outspoken; Lynn, thoughtful and socially conscious; and of course Joan, level-headed and career-focused. They remind me of my own childhood friend group, who are about to celebrate our 20-year friendversary, and honestly, I would not trade them for a single “creative” friend.
There’s Kayla, the gynecologist; Mariah, the oncology PA; Adriana, the tech-savvy one; and my sister Indya, the veterinarian. Over the years, I’ve also met incredible friends in adulthood who have become just as steady in my life—Samaraa, the school administrator; Luciana, my fun stay-at-home mom; and of course Sopha and Michelle, my creative gals who deserve an honorable mention for being my rocks for yearssss.
The point is, none of them fully understand my work, but they all understand ME.
Just a couple of weekends ago, I told my friend Luciana that I was feeling uninspired. I was simply talking, not asking her to fix anything. But she did something anyway.
She planned a night out for us to see our favorite band, even while caring for her preemie son who was born at only twenty seven weeks.
I was in awe of that generous and effortless act. I was even more touched when she said, “I don’t know a thing about writing, but maybe seeing other creatives will help you create???”
We had an absolute BALL.
We danced, yelled over loud music, sang the words we knew, and made up the ones we did not. It was fabulous. Not only did the concert spark an essay idea about Creative Persistence (coming soon); but, it also inspired this post. Luciana’s idea worked!
I shouldn’t be surprised, though, because my noncreative friends give the best advice; this is not an exaggeration! Their feedback on my creative work consistently outshines anything I have received from other creatives.
My long-time creative friends, though I love them deeply, overanalyze EVERYTHING. For example, I’ll share an essay idea with them, and five minutes later be questioning my title, sentence structure, whether I should use photos, and even whether the topic is something my audience needs at all.
It’s hard for us to turn off our creative critique brains. Sometimes I love it, sometimes it stresses me ALL THE WAY OUT.
My non creative friends, on the other hand, have the eyes of real consumers. They see things the way my actual audience does. Their feedback is simple, direct, and incredibly useful. My best friend (husband), will read an essay draft and say things like, “This is great! But, I did not lose interest here,” or “This part is a little wordy.” Clear and easy to act on.
My “noncreative” friends also help me experience the world in completely different ways. I am constantly learning with them around. I can tell you about complications during a hysterectomy and how to analyze the finances of a business before acquiring it. I can teach you about horse-specific diseases, cloning pigs, natural remedies for allergies, and strategies for helping dyslexic readers.
Being surrounded by people who live in totally different worlds reminds me that creativity isn’t found in an echo chamber, but in the middle of life’s messy magic! Everything we talk about lends to my creativity and curiosity in some way! That’s priceless!!!
Now, I look back with a bit of sadness that I was so desperate to find new creative friends that I let people misuse and abuse me in the process. I thought that my life would be bigger with writers, content creators, and filmmakers in my circle, but I was wrong.
And maybe that’s the real secret no one wants to say out loud: Non creative friends don’t make your life smaller, they make it incredibly larger. They pull you out of the loop where everyone is trying to build, brand, launch, or be on all the time. When I’m with them, I get to simply exist. Not as a writer, not a strategist, not someone who hit a certain income bracket before thirty; just a human being who laughs too loud, eats too slow, and needs help carrying her own heart sometimes.
Being around people who don’t care about algorithms or analytics or aesthetics helps me return to a clearer version of myself. They aren’t performing, so I don’t feel any pressure to perform either. I come back to the kind of creativity that feels like breathing, not like striving.
They remind me that my value is not in the ideas I produce or the rooms I get invited into. It is in how I love people. It is in how I show up. It is in the way I listen and pay attention and make space for others, things I learned long before I ever made a dollar off my creativity.
So when I say every creative needs non creative friends, I mean it with my whole chest. Community built on convenience will crumble, but community built on character can hold you when everything else falls apart. These friends, the ones who don’t understand my world but understand me, are the reason I can keep creating in the first place.
Your readership makes it possible for me to write full-time and support you on your creative journey, too. So if any of my words resonated with you, consider leaving a comment and letting me know why!
Other Resources
My New Book: Rising from the Rut: Reawaken Your Spirit, Rediscover Your God-given Gifts, and Reclaim Your Joy
My First Book: Skyrocket Your Business with Social Media Branding
Skillshare Class I: Craft Your Purpose and Online Presence
Skillshare Class II: Land Your Ideal Clients with Lead Magnets
CultureCon Keynote: Work Smarter: Boost Work Productivity with These System Hacks
And I do believe that you should spend time with people in the same fields as you, but I’ve now found that through writing groups and reading clubs—connections are still being made, networking is still happening, but life feels much fuller without surface level or transactional “friendships.”
I enjoyed reading this... as always! Thank you!