Loved this article. I’m so glad you wrote this, I’ve never been in a relationship before and honestly not sure if I want to be it is an important decision to make. So glad you’re traveling again can’t wait to see/read the places you’ll be visiting. While reading Guernsey and watching the movie I thought it would be so cool to visit. Thank you for sharing this.
Thank you so much!! 🥹 And omg yes, still can't believe He booked the trip! After reading/watching it so many times, it's surreal that I'll actually get to visit!
Can I ask (totally fine if you'd rather not share!) - has staying out of relationships been something you've chosen, or just how life has flowed so far? I love that you're really thinking it through rather than just jumping in!
I think it’s how life has flowed so far. I’m honestly not to worried about it. Me and God have already talked about it. It’s more me telling him stuff, still learning to listen. But, I told him that he’s going to have orchestrate this whole relationship thing. I already have enough adult things to do, so I’ll just along for the ride
In your journey of being a lover girl....were you pressured into being intimate as you looked for the one? How did you deal with it when you came to realisation that God does not approve of premarital sex? Was the idea of marriage ever an idol?
I appreciate you asking, but I want to be transparent that this is a loaded question for me because I was sexually abused and molested. I was so accustomed to manipulation being used as a form of "love" that I didn't recognize pressure for what it was back then. Even when I was raped by someone I was dating, I didn't recognize it as rape until I shared with my therapist what happened - how I said no, how he didn't care. Until then, I just told myself "maybe he didn't hear me saying no."
As for dealing with premarital sex after coming to Christ, I dealt with it how I think most saved believers do - I dedicated my life to Christ and didn't look back.
Nope, marriage wasn’t an idol for me. I never sought fulfillment in it, obsessed over it, saw it as the pinnacle of my purpose, or feared singleness more than God. I think marriage - the idea of pure love that God designed for us - was actually a hope and a saving grace for me in dark times.
I did however idolize the idea of love and validation, more in platonic ways than romantic. I so badly wanted to be loved and seen by peers that I placed them above the Lord in my heart many, many times. In this story, Adam does fall in that category of people I wanted that love from.
They you Esther! 🥹 no need to say sorry! As inane as it sounds, I’m so grateful for my journey. I feel like I have so much wisdom for my children, grandchildren, and mentees. I’d have loved to enjoy my childhood, but I’m grateful I get to enjoy life now and God has shown me that it’s never too late to play, learn, and continue to be child-like!
Love this! I had overwhelming confirmation from God before I got married! His hand was in everything and He made everything clear as crystal for me for years before it happened. We are a match literally made in heaven! Listen to God and allow Him to guide you in your choice!! ❤️
I love this SO much! 🥹🥹🥹 Isn't it amazing when God makes things crystal clear? It's like He knows exactly what we need to feel secure in such a huge decision!
I love how you mentioned the "years before" part too—cause chileeee. sometimes we rush when God is still trying to develop us!. But when you wait and let Him guide every step? Whew! There's nothing like that peace of knowing your marriage was divinely orchestrated! ✨ blessing to you two!!!
So happy you've found your heaven-made match! 💕
I literally wrote a very similar article/message while healing from my last relationship and started to post on my IG but hesitated and have held my tongue on so many posts that I felt at the time were important to share and warn people about because I wasn’t sure where to put it all. This resonated so much and encourages me to find a way to share those things.
Thank you for sharing this! It's so encouraging to hear the article gave you that push! Sometimes we hold back sharing our stories because we're unsure, but they're often exactly what someone else needs to hear. Those hard-earned lessons and warnings you want to share? THEY MATTER. They could help someone avoid the same pain or feel less alone in their healing journey.
If you feel led to share your story, do it! Whether that's on IG or finding another platform that feels right. Your voice and your experience are valuable!!
This was beautiful! I kept trying to remember the name of this book after our Book Club call last week. I found it as a movie on Netflix, have you seen it?
thank you so much sweet pea!🫛 I have seen the movie!! Isn't it so sweet?! I'm reading another book right now that reminds me of it — Lizette's List!! It's based in Provence, France!! You may like that too! It’s a slow build, and in just realizing it’s a romance LOL
I'll send the February book club dates by the end of this week!!
Can’t wait! I need to expand my genres of books. I used to read all sorts of books, hundreds 😑. Then I got stuck in one loop of self help and business only books 😂. Excited to step out of this!
I loved every word of this and it has me reflecting (even more… I’ve been crying lately) on my current relationship and how I don’t feel supported, loved or cared for. I’m excited to read about your trip adventures. I love those same books and definitely dream of Bath and teacups!
I am so so so so sorry. My heart breaks for you because I know that feeling so deeply.
I don't know all the intricacies of your relationship, but I know if you're not married yet, you still have the choice to leave. To soar. To lean on God and let Him bring you better. Because you deserve to wake up with joy in your heart! To have your dreams celebrated, not diminished. To be with someone who lights up at your ideas and passions rather than dulling them.
The tears you're crying? I've cried them too. But there's so much more waiting for you on the other side of this season. Whether that's healing in singleness or meeting someone who actually knows how to love you well.
(And yes to Bath and teacups! Those dreams are worth holding onto! 💕)
I’m not married (was previously and spent several years - like 6 - healing before deciding to open my heart again and look for love), and cutting ties has been on the brain for a while.
I know I want love and to be partnered with someone who loves me well … and by extent love him well too. But perhaps singleness is where I need to be for right now in this season.
Thank goodness that's not his actual name because my husband is named Adam! lol. I see so much of my story in this Isis. My Adam has been incredibly encouraging in helping me pursue my dreams and actively believing in me. 🫶🏼 When you mentioned the part about Michael watching you while you watch a movie, my Adam does this all the time with me! 🥹 Anyway, have a great trip and I love your writing so much.
lol!! Adam Levine was playing when I was writing this!!!!😂😂😂 I actually love the name Adam, it's on my future baby name list!! And omg I'm gushing!! Isn't it the sweetest feeling?! I love how Adam loves you!!
Such a beautiful post. We’re often inundated by horrific romantic stories that it feels almost magical reading yours. Thank you so much for sharing and reminding us of the good that can exist ✨
Its funny you say that because I prayed for a fairytale (seriously). I had endured so much — molestation and sexual assault — that in my singleness I prayed that the lord will give me triple for my trouble and allow me to have a fairytale love, as true, profound, and borderline annoying as they are in romance comedies 🥹😂 Thank YOU for seeing the magic in it. God really does restore what the locusts have eaten. And sometimes He does it in ways that feel almost too good to be true 💕✨
I recently had my 1st phone conversation with a guy I matched with on a dating site. I couldn't put into words how I felt during the conversation, but it was anything but easeful or life-giving. I felt drained afterwards. Yet my next thought was but hes a man of God, he travels to Africa, is an investor, and is just an Alpha male.
But after reading this the question I just asked myself is "can you see yourself married to that?" And its a big H-E double hockey sticks NO!
YES! Omg this is so important!! A good man isn't always Godly and a Godly man isn't always good for you!! I've seen too many of us marry people just because they're good on paper or share the same faith!
Listen to that draining feeling, sis! Being a missionary or an 'alpha male' or investor means nothing if your spirit is screaming 'no.' You're so wise to recognize that - just because someone checks the boxes doesn't mean they're YOUR person. Someone can do all the 'right' things and still not be right for you!
I'm so proud of you for listening to your gut instead of just focusing on his resume! 👏🏾
Also I’m sorry to see what is going on rn with substack —- nothing really good & life changing happens without some sort of pushback. I believe this will position you for greater .
Loved this read! And made me reflect on my current relationship with my boyfriend and I feel so supported. Have a wonderful trip. Can't wait to hear how it is! Sounds dreamyyyyy
My heart felt this deeply. Your story made me reflect on certain aspects of my marriage in a profound way. I’m so grateful for my marriage, yet reading your experience brought up deep reflections. It even led me to call my mama and ask for her thoughts—we had a beautiful conversation. I now truly understand the meaning behind the song she chose for my wedding day; the message is clear to me now.
I look forward to reading the article you shared, and I love that you’ve found such an amazing partner who loves and protects you so deeply. I pray that God continues to bless you and your marriage.
This is a beautiful read and brought me to tears 🥹💗 So true to life!
Loved this article. I’m so glad you wrote this, I’ve never been in a relationship before and honestly not sure if I want to be it is an important decision to make. So glad you’re traveling again can’t wait to see/read the places you’ll be visiting. While reading Guernsey and watching the movie I thought it would be so cool to visit. Thank you for sharing this.
Thank you so much!! 🥹 And omg yes, still can't believe He booked the trip! After reading/watching it so many times, it's surreal that I'll actually get to visit!
Can I ask (totally fine if you'd rather not share!) - has staying out of relationships been something you've chosen, or just how life has flowed so far? I love that you're really thinking it through rather than just jumping in!
I think it’s how life has flowed so far. I’m honestly not to worried about it. Me and God have already talked about it. It’s more me telling him stuff, still learning to listen. But, I told him that he’s going to have orchestrate this whole relationship thing. I already have enough adult things to do, so I’ll just along for the ride
In your journey of being a lover girl....were you pressured into being intimate as you looked for the one? How did you deal with it when you came to realisation that God does not approve of premarital sex? Was the idea of marriage ever an idol?
I appreciate you asking, but I want to be transparent that this is a loaded question for me because I was sexually abused and molested. I was so accustomed to manipulation being used as a form of "love" that I didn't recognize pressure for what it was back then. Even when I was raped by someone I was dating, I didn't recognize it as rape until I shared with my therapist what happened - how I said no, how he didn't care. Until then, I just told myself "maybe he didn't hear me saying no."
As for dealing with premarital sex after coming to Christ, I dealt with it how I think most saved believers do - I dedicated my life to Christ and didn't look back.
Nope, marriage wasn’t an idol for me. I never sought fulfillment in it, obsessed over it, saw it as the pinnacle of my purpose, or feared singleness more than God. I think marriage - the idea of pure love that God designed for us - was actually a hope and a saving grace for me in dark times.
I did however idolize the idea of love and validation, more in platonic ways than romantic. I so badly wanted to be loved and seen by peers that I placed them above the Lord in my heart many, many times. In this story, Adam does fall in that category of people I wanted that love from.
I understand, sorry about what happened to you buþ I love that the Lord has healed our wounds and indeed given u beauty for ashes
They you Esther! 🥹 no need to say sorry! As inane as it sounds, I’m so grateful for my journey. I feel like I have so much wisdom for my children, grandchildren, and mentees. I’d have loved to enjoy my childhood, but I’m grateful I get to enjoy life now and God has shown me that it’s never too late to play, learn, and continue to be child-like!
I loved listening to this!! I am so blessed to have a Godly, supportive & genuine partner. 🥹🥹
YES YOU ARE! It’s something we should never take for granted!! 🥹 I thank God for blessing you with someone amazing! And them, you!
Love this! I had overwhelming confirmation from God before I got married! His hand was in everything and He made everything clear as crystal for me for years before it happened. We are a match literally made in heaven! Listen to God and allow Him to guide you in your choice!! ❤️
I love this SO much! 🥹🥹🥹 Isn't it amazing when God makes things crystal clear? It's like He knows exactly what we need to feel secure in such a huge decision!
I love how you mentioned the "years before" part too—cause chileeee. sometimes we rush when God is still trying to develop us!. But when you wait and let Him guide every step? Whew! There's nothing like that peace of knowing your marriage was divinely orchestrated! ✨ blessing to you two!!!
So happy you've found your heaven-made match! 💕
Well said!! He is so good 🥹
I literally wrote a very similar article/message while healing from my last relationship and started to post on my IG but hesitated and have held my tongue on so many posts that I felt at the time were important to share and warn people about because I wasn’t sure where to put it all. This resonated so much and encourages me to find a way to share those things.
Thank you for sharing this! It's so encouraging to hear the article gave you that push! Sometimes we hold back sharing our stories because we're unsure, but they're often exactly what someone else needs to hear. Those hard-earned lessons and warnings you want to share? THEY MATTER. They could help someone avoid the same pain or feel less alone in their healing journey.
If you feel led to share your story, do it! Whether that's on IG or finding another platform that feels right. Your voice and your experience are valuable!!
This was beautiful! I kept trying to remember the name of this book after our Book Club call last week. I found it as a movie on Netflix, have you seen it?
thank you so much sweet pea!🫛 I have seen the movie!! Isn't it so sweet?! I'm reading another book right now that reminds me of it — Lizette's List!! It's based in Provence, France!! You may like that too! It’s a slow build, and in just realizing it’s a romance LOL
I'll send the February book club dates by the end of this week!!
Can’t wait! I need to expand my genres of books. I used to read all sorts of books, hundreds 😑. Then I got stuck in one loop of self help and business only books 😂. Excited to step out of this!
I loved every word of this and it has me reflecting (even more… I’ve been crying lately) on my current relationship and how I don’t feel supported, loved or cared for. I’m excited to read about your trip adventures. I love those same books and definitely dream of Bath and teacups!
I am so so so so sorry. My heart breaks for you because I know that feeling so deeply.
I don't know all the intricacies of your relationship, but I know if you're not married yet, you still have the choice to leave. To soar. To lean on God and let Him bring you better. Because you deserve to wake up with joy in your heart! To have your dreams celebrated, not diminished. To be with someone who lights up at your ideas and passions rather than dulling them.
The tears you're crying? I've cried them too. But there's so much more waiting for you on the other side of this season. Whether that's healing in singleness or meeting someone who actually knows how to love you well.
(And yes to Bath and teacups! Those dreams are worth holding onto! 💕)
I’m not married (was previously and spent several years - like 6 - healing before deciding to open my heart again and look for love), and cutting ties has been on the brain for a while.
I know I want love and to be partnered with someone who loves me well … and by extent love him well too. But perhaps singleness is where I need to be for right now in this season.
Thank goodness that's not his actual name because my husband is named Adam! lol. I see so much of my story in this Isis. My Adam has been incredibly encouraging in helping me pursue my dreams and actively believing in me. 🫶🏼 When you mentioned the part about Michael watching you while you watch a movie, my Adam does this all the time with me! 🥹 Anyway, have a great trip and I love your writing so much.
lol!! Adam Levine was playing when I was writing this!!!!😂😂😂 I actually love the name Adam, it's on my future baby name list!! And omg I'm gushing!! Isn't it the sweetest feeling?! I love how Adam loves you!!
Thank you so much! 🥹
Such a beautiful post. We’re often inundated by horrific romantic stories that it feels almost magical reading yours. Thank you so much for sharing and reminding us of the good that can exist ✨
Its funny you say that because I prayed for a fairytale (seriously). I had endured so much — molestation and sexual assault — that in my singleness I prayed that the lord will give me triple for my trouble and allow me to have a fairytale love, as true, profound, and borderline annoying as they are in romance comedies 🥹😂 Thank YOU for seeing the magic in it. God really does restore what the locusts have eaten. And sometimes He does it in ways that feel almost too good to be true 💕✨
This was so good and perfect timing.
I recently had my 1st phone conversation with a guy I matched with on a dating site. I couldn't put into words how I felt during the conversation, but it was anything but easeful or life-giving. I felt drained afterwards. Yet my next thought was but hes a man of God, he travels to Africa, is an investor, and is just an Alpha male.
But after reading this the question I just asked myself is "can you see yourself married to that?" And its a big H-E double hockey sticks NO!
YES! Omg this is so important!! A good man isn't always Godly and a Godly man isn't always good for you!! I've seen too many of us marry people just because they're good on paper or share the same faith!
Listen to that draining feeling, sis! Being a missionary or an 'alpha male' or investor means nothing if your spirit is screaming 'no.' You're so wise to recognize that - just because someone checks the boxes doesn't mean they're YOUR person. Someone can do all the 'right' things and still not be right for you!
I'm so proud of you for listening to your gut instead of just focusing on his resume! 👏🏾
This was way tooo good 🫨 honestly it came right on time—- thank you for sharing !
My pleasure sis! You know what's funny - after the meet up, I started praying for you and your future husband. Just randomly, it was on my heart! 💕
❤️ thank you for praying 🥰
Also I’m sorry to see what is going on rn with substack —- nothing really good & life changing happens without some sort of pushback. I believe this will position you for greater .
🙏🏽❤️
Loved this read! And made me reflect on my current relationship with my boyfriend and I feel so supported. Have a wonderful trip. Can't wait to hear how it is! Sounds dreamyyyyy
And thanks!!! I’ll be sure to keep you updated! I’m so I’ll be writing alot! (Or, atleast I hope I will!! Haha)
Thank you Ashley! And I love hearing that! I pray you to continue to support and edify each other! 🥹
This is so true 😩
We can’t take relationships lightly!
thanks T! 🥹 it has been a wild and wonderful journey!
My heart felt this deeply. Your story made me reflect on certain aspects of my marriage in a profound way. I’m so grateful for my marriage, yet reading your experience brought up deep reflections. It even led me to call my mama and ask for her thoughts—we had a beautiful conversation. I now truly understand the meaning behind the song she chose for my wedding day; the message is clear to me now.
I look forward to reading the article you shared, and I love that you’ve found such an amazing partner who loves and protects you so deeply. I pray that God continues to bless you and your marriage.